xanthan gum

aww this was so cute. and very true - in fact, you just put the biggest smile on my face. i don't like the hyphen between "no" and "one", though ...

very cute, but i fear that "barfed" doesn't fit into the rhyming pattern, my dear. =]

cute...but...er... heaps?

um, this was very cute but not....moving. sorry. cute, though, for novice.

this wasn't "BEAUTIFUL", but the rhythm and the meaning was .so.good. that it transformed the poem into amazing. no critiques - maybe your lines are too long? otherwise, beautiful.

i did the line skip with "try to last it / it falls away" because i was trying to keep even rhythm on the line. i always sacrifice things like ...

um, yeah, i'd start over. yes, it's cute, but that doesn't amount to much. try again.

like a fox? i don't get it.

the train...haunts? alright. besides the slight confusion, i thought this was rather good.

i don't get the ending. is she pregnant? going to die from abuse? and i suggest you add more visions of this girl - it's a touching image and should ...

i didn't get this, but, then again, i don't know much about muhamed ali, so i suppose i should just fall back into silence. the rhythm wasn't dead or anything, ...

actually, i enjoyed this. i didn't have any beautiful nonsense, it made sense and i loved the line breaks.

i liked the above a lot better. good good good.

heh. funny. um, the rhyming's forced and the rhythm is off in various places, but i'm not going to be picky because of i understand that this was just a ...

the rhyming is far too forced. in fact, it's so forced that you lost sight of both meaning and rhythm. not all poetry has to rhyme - i'd enjoy this ...